A pager buzzed. The instructions came. And I said "no."
That split second ended the career I once wanted and set me on a path I now love… a career that's even better than what I had planned.
传呼机响了。任务来了。但我却说了“不。”
那短短的一瞬间，我亲自终结了我曾经向往的职业生涯，却也让我走上了一条如今深爱的道路……一条比我原先计划还要好的职业道路。
The Summer of 1998
I don't remember the exact date. It was likely July. I remember the heat.
1998年的夏天
我不记得确切的日期了。应该是七月。我记得那炎热的天气。
Choosing a window seat on the train was a mistake. There was no air conditioning, and the sun on your face made it unbearably warm. And, windows only turned the carriage into a wind tunnel if you dared open them.
夏天，选择靠窗的座位，根本就是个错误。车厢里没有空调，阳光照在脸上让人热得难以忍受。而且，如果你敢打开窗户，整个车厢就会变成一个风洞。因为风呼呼的，噪音很大
An hour and twenty minutes on the train, then a twenty-five-minute walk in a suit and tie. Not a favorite memory.
坐一个半小时的火车，再穿着西装打领带步行二十五分钟。真不是什么美好的回忆。
I was a summer intern at a big law firm. I started the same day as two other interns. The first thing we got … pagers.
我在一家大型律师事务所做暑期实习生。我和另外两名实习生同一天入职。我们拿到的第一样东西……是传呼机。（1998年，emmm 合理）
For those too young to remember, they were small, battery-powered wireless devices that received very short messages on a dot matrix LCD display. Mobile phones were not mainstream yet.
对于太年轻而不记得的人来说，传呼机是一种小型电池供电的无线设备，能在点阵式液晶屏上接收非常简短的信息。当时手机尚未普及。
I didn't realize it at the time, but this simple device and the "instructions" I received would dominate my life for the next few weeks.
我当时并没有意识到，就是这个简单的设备以及我收到的那些“指令”，将在接下来的几周里主导我的生活。
Each of us shared an office with a junior associate. Close enough to learn, but mostly to make them look good.
我和另外两名实习生每个人都和一名初级律师共用一间办公室。距离近到可以手把手教学，但更多时候是为了让他们显得更出色。
When anyone in the firm needed you, they paged. You sprinted to a phone and called the number on the tiny screen.
That was the rule. The one and only rule.
当事务所里有人需要你时，就会呼你。你必须立刻冲向电话，拨打屏幕上显示的号码。
这就是规矩。唯一的规矩。
We were paged a lot. Looking for case law. Cite checking and proofreading. A seemingly endless flow of demands from the overworked and stressed-out lawyers.
我们经常被呼。查找判例法、核对引注、校对文稿。来自那些超负荷且压力巨大的律师们，似乎有永无止境的需求。
This was to be expected.
这其实在我们意料之中。
But one Thursday afternoon, it was different. Right after lunch, I had barely sat down when my pager vibrated again.
但某个星期四下午，情况就不一样了。刚吃完午饭，我刚坐下，传呼机就又震动起来。
I called back. Immediately. As instructed.
我立刻回了电话。按照指示，我立马回了电话。
"Hi, Erik," A rushed voice said. "You will have bar duty tonight."
“嗨，埃里克，”一个匆忙的声音说，“今晚你负责值班。”
"No, I do not," I answered without thinking.
“不，我不去，”我脱口而出。
"Yes, you do." Sharper now.
“你必须去。”语气变得严厉了。
"Let me explain," she continued. "I am scheduled for bar duty this evening, but I cannot make it. I have another appointment."
“我来解释一下，”她继续说，“今晚本该我值班，但我有别的安排去不了。”
"Bar duty" was office speak for office drinks on the first Thursday of the month, and associates were expected to serve the drinks.
吧值班”是办公室里的说法，指的是每月第一个星期四的办公室酒会，初级律师需要负责倒酒。
However, they could delegate this task to interns. It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't Coyote Ugly or Cocktail.
不过，他们可以把这项任务转交给实习生。这不算什么大事。也不是《艳舞女郎》或《鸡尾酒》那样的场面。
电影鸡尾酒介绍
艳舞女郎剧照
"I also have an appointment tonight," I said. "It is too late to reschedule everything for bar duty now."
“我今晚也有安排，”我说，“现在临时改计划去值班已经太晚了。”
She did not give up. "You are a summer intern. When we ask you to do something, you should do it."
她不肯放弃。“你是暑期实习生。我让你做什么，你就该做什么。”
When the hierarchy argument did not stick, she played the culture and health card. "It is good for you to mingle and socialize. It keeps the firm healthy."
当等级制度的理由不起作用时，她搬出了文化和健康牌。“多社交对你有好处。这能让事务所保持活力。”
Perhaps I was sick of all the instructions. Perhaps my other plans were super important. I don't know, I can't remember now, more than twenty-five years later, what they were.
也许我已经厌倦了所有的命令。也许我其他的安排真的非常重要。我不知道，现在也记不清了，二十多年后的今天，我甚至不记得那晚到底有什么事。
But, for whatever reason, I reached my breaking point.
"I am really sorry, but I cannot tonight. I can do it next month …" I said calmly, but firmly.
但不管出于什么原因，我到了忍耐的极限。
“真的很抱歉，但我今晚真的不行。下个月我可以……”我平静但坚定地说。
The response was surprising.
"You will never work at this law firm. And I do not think being a lawyer is something for you. You clearly aren't cut out for this line of work."
Click.
End of conversation.
她的回应令人震惊。
“你永远别想在这间律所工作。我认为你也不适合当律师。你显然不适合这行。”
嘟嘟嘟。
通话结束。
Within seconds, I heard the pager of one of the other interns. I jogged over and mimed pulling a beer. She was already on the phone.
几秒钟后，我听到另一位实习生的传呼机响了。我小跑过去，比划着喝啤酒的动作。但她俩已经在通话中了。
"Yes, of course … I will be there. Thank you very much."
She turned to me. "How did you know they would ask for bar service?"
“当然可以……我会去的。非常感谢。”
她转头问我：“你怎么知道他们会叫人去值班？”
"They asked me first. I told them I did not have time tonight."
"Wow, you are a daredevil. I don't want to do it either, but saying no could hurt my career."
“他们先问的我。我说我今晚没时间。”
“哇，你真是个胆大包天的人。我也不想做，但拒绝可能会影响我的职业前途。”
We stood there for a moment that felt longer than it probably was. She turned away to confirm details.
I walked back to my desk and tried to focus on the cases in front of me.
我们站在那里片刻，感觉比实际时间更漫长。她转身去确认细节。
我走回自己的座位，试图专注于眼前的案件。
The words blurred. The pager sat there, judging me. "You do realize what you just did. You total loser."
文字变得模糊。传呼机静静地放在那里，仿佛在审判我。“你清楚自己刚才做了什么吗？你这个彻头彻尾的失败者。”
She Was Probably Right
At 5:30 PM, thirty minutes before the drinks began, I was on the train heading home.
她也许是对的
下午5:30，酒会开始前半小时，我已经坐上了回家的火车。
I sat down in a seat that wasn't by the window. I replayed my conversation with the associate in my mind, word for word, as if revisiting it might somehow change my mind. It didn't. I had done the right thing.
我坐在一个不靠窗的座位上。我在脑海中逐字回放与那位初级律师的对话，仿佛重演一遍就能改变主意。但并没有。我知道自己做对了。
But I never worked at a big law firm. In hindsight, she was probably right. I wasn't cut out for that line of work.
但我最终再也没有进入那家大律所。回过头看，她也许是对的。我确实不适合那条职业道路。
So, I did not climb the big law ladder. I moved sideways, then away. Ironically, I am now their client as in-house counsel at a multinational. I teach their future colleagues as a law professor.
因此，我没有攀上大律所的职业阶梯。我尝试换了赛道，然后彻底离开。颇具讽刺意味的是，如今我作为跨国公司的内部法律顾问，反而成了他们的客户。我也以法学教授的身份，教导他们未来的同事。
I did not know any of this that afternoon. I only felt doubt, relief, and a sense that I had chosen my side. The best side for me.
那个下午我还不知道这些。我只感受到怀疑、释然，以及一种终于选定了自己阵营的感觉。对我来说，那是最好的选择。
The Lesson That Stuck
That moment gave me a sense of a certain kind of freedom.
那堂刻骨铭心的课
那一刻，让我感受到了某种自由。
I wanted to help people, yes, but I didn't want to blindly go along with what was expected of me by other people.
是的，我想帮助他人，但我不想盲目顺从别人对我的期待。
Years later, that feeling resurfaced in small decisions that ultimately became big ones.
多年后，这种感觉在一些看似微小却最终变得重大的决定中再次浮现。
A colleague at the university once told me that a research topic was too sensitive and I should drop it.
一位大学同事曾告诉我，某个研究课题太过敏感，我应该放弃。
Another colleague advised me to follow the generally accepted views that everyone already agreed on.
另一位同事建议我遵循大家早已达成共识的主流观点。
I listened, but ignored their advice. When I pulled out my notebook, I sketched out the ideas that I really wanted to write down.
我听了，但没有采纳。当我拿出笔记本时，我写下的是自己真正想记录的想法。
Not to shock people or be an asshole, but to learn, experiment, and see if a better idea was waiting on the other side of an honest draft.
不是为了哗众取宠或显得叛逆，而是为了学习、尝试，看看在一份真诚的初稿背后，是否藏着更好的想法。
Some days it worked, and the page came alive. Some days it didn't, and I had to start again. Either way, I learned.
有些日子成功了，文字仿佛活了过来；有些日子失败了，我只能重新开始。但无论如何，我都在学习。
The tiny pager taught me a simple yet tough lesson.
Sometimes, the most crucial "yes" in your life begins with a polite and honest "no."
那个小小的传呼机，教会了我一个简单却深刻的道理。
有时候，你人生中最关键的“是”，恰恰始于一个礼貌而真诚的“不”。
I hold onto that lesson close. I don't want to become a slave to expectations… of what others expect from me.
我牢牢铭记这一课。我不想成为他人期待的奴隶……成为别人对我期望的附庸。
It's not my style to just go along with the way things are typically done. I don't want to become predictable.
随波逐流不是我的风格。我不想变得可预测。
I want to try new things and accept the misses along with the hits. I keep moving toward work that feels alive.
我想尝试新事物，并坦然接受失败与成功。我不断走向那些让我感到鲜活的工作。
I am aiming for an unconventional life.
Not a prisoner. But a free man.
我追求一种非传统的人生。
不做囚徒。而要做一个自由的人。